Life of A Lightworker, Shining Light Amongst The Darkness

We all have a story living inside of us, we’ve all experienced some sort of trauma that made us the person that we are today. There’s a saying that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, but I don’t believe this to be true. See life isn’t about going through struggles trying to survive. Life is for learning when we experience pain it doesn’t mean that’s some almighty God is trying to punish us. If we could stop looking at pain as something that we don’t deserve and something we need to get over, and instead see what it is trying to us to teach us, to allow us to move forward. If we choose not to feel the pain and move through it, then we will forever be stuck in it, carrying around badges of trauma weighing us down to live in perpetual cycles of Darkness. Because we chose to hold on to it, instead of learn from it, we chose to judge it as a negative experience, or an unacceptable emotion and therefore we don’t allow our bodies to complete the trauma Cycles allowing all our minds to learn what the pain is there to teach us. Every
Superhero has a traumatic story of what led to them getting their super powers. I can almost guarantee you that the people that inspire you, your mentors probably have a backstory of trials and tribulations. The only difference is some learn quicker than others not to resist the negative experience, and well others of us are not such quick learners. Me being one example.

My name is Kendra and I’m The Divine Purpose Mentor, Spiritual Teacher, and Metaphysician. So what does that mean? Well, I was born with a heighten rage of sensitivity and extra senses.
I see the vibrational frequency of everything around me. After years of looking at these senses as something that had gone wrong with me, living in the shadows in depression experiencing complex trauma throughout my life. I hit an all time low when I was diagnosed with Lupus. I had made my mind an enemy for the majority of my life, and now my body started to believe my mind as well, and my body started to attack it’s self. My immune system was attacking all of my organs, tissues, and my joints were degenerating. I was in so much physical pain everyday, it became hard to walk without my knees wrapped, my hands would lose function without pressure on my wrists, it was hard to do anything, especially with a 1 year old baby girl on my own. I’d always been a very high frequency being(meaning I process information very quickly, I’m very hyper active, and I’m incredibly intense) yet I couldn’t get out of bed. I started to fear going to sleep, after going to bed after work on a Wed and not waking up until Sunday night. I felt completely powerless to my body and didn’t trust my ability to do something as simple as wake up in the morning. I felt hopeless, all I wanted was for the pain to stop. I couldn’t even remember what an absence of pain felt like. I developed a panic disorder that I had to be medicated for in order to leave my house. One night while bartending, I had let the other bartender go home leaving one waitress on with me. Shortly after a new customer that was bantering back and forth with me keeping everyone thoroughly entertained. Suddenly he went from being a slightly inebriated smart ass, too heavily intoxicated and very aggressive. I started to feel trapped and my vision was going in and out I wasn’t allowed to leave the bar without the waitress watching my bar and she was no where in sight. Without the resources to calm down my anxiety, I started to get so dizzy that I was going to hit the ground. As soon as I saw the waitress I yelled going outside watch the bar, and ran into the kitchen gasping for air. As I pushed open the back door it felt as if I feel Into a Black hole. I woke up to lights flashing in my eye’s by paramedics trying to revive me. I was so confused on how I lost control. I had dealt with drunk jerks my whole life, and never had a panic attack from one giving me shit. Drunk guys giving you shit is pretty much a given as a bartender and I had learned to see them like I saw my toddlers when I was a preschool teacher. I never took there belligerence to heart. My therapist recommended I always keep Xanax on me for emergencies. Every time I felt the slightest discomfort I’d pop one in fear of a panic attack ever creeping on me again. I tried to regain self control with dependence on anxiety meds that the doctor’s said I’d have to be on for the rest of my life with the amount of trauma I experienced in my short life and the increasing severity of the panic disorder. Suddenly my entire life was fear. I feared going to the grocery store alone, I watched as every aspect of my life began to freeze. I desperately wanted my life back, I trusted myself my whole life and no matter what I went through I always made it out with a clearer perspective then most. I thought oh my god it finally caught up to me and I get to pay for all the abuse I already paid for. As I contemplated this I scanned my entire life. What the hell was I a good girl my whole life for. I’d never felt to bad about being physically beaten nearly everyday growing up, because I thought it was normal. Their was always an apologize afterwards and explanation how it wasn’t my fault that people hurt them and they couldn’t take it out on the people that hurt them so we take it out on the one’s we love the most. I thought ok I can do that for you, and I was a good little punching bag for 16 years of my life. Now she has no recollection of any abuse and has created a story in her mind that I was the worst child a mother could have. So bad she absolutely never consider having another child. She has said, “she wouldn’t even like me if I wasn’t her daughter.”

I found myself in the hospital with hypoplastic kidney syndrome, my body was just done fighting and was shutting down. I realized the severity of my health, when the doctor took my mom outside the room to give her information on my condition, with my mother’s background in trauma medicine, it was very rare to see my mother get upset over medical ailments. The doctor spoke a few words and instantly my mother was belligerently crying. To see her like that, was a complete shock to me. I’d never seen her show genuine care for my life. I knew, the doctor said I was dying. I’d finally achieved something really being wrong with me, and now if I didn’t change my mind I was going to die, and something in me switched. I thought no I don’t want to die I just wanted her to love me, I see now that she does.
I went inside of my body and started talking to my kidneys, and then one by one all of my other organs, as weird as that sounds. Intuitively this is what I knew to do. While talking to my body I realized my illness was a secondary gain I’d manifested to receive love and validation from my mother. All I really wanted was to be taken care of by her and shown love not be sick or die. Once I saw her cry at the potential of losing me, I knew that she actually loved me and I no longer needed to be ill to know if she loved. My missing experience/ need was met and I felt released.

I worked on my organs, and then my joints and my skin, allowing myself to release all the stress and tension in my body and within minutes I felt healed. I asked to be taken off the IV’s and monitor’s, ready to go home. The nurses thought I’d lost my mind, and the doctor insisted to run tests before I was allowed to go home. I agreed and told assured them that I had just healed myself and my kidneys would be completely healthy. Sure enough a couple hours later the tests came back with a clean bill of health without even a trace of the trauma in or around my kidneys. The doctor was beside himself and disappeared quickly after telling me the good news. The nurses with very confused looks and apprehension got me checked out and allowed me to go home.

From that moment on, I started to see the world from a new perspective, I started to see how what had been perceived as being a disability, could actually used as an abilities that I could give to the world that is suffering. Finally all of the trauma, abuse, illness, loss and suffering I’d experienced in my life had a purpose. It was the experienced I needed in order to understand fully what it feels like to suffer. It’s the darkness I needed to feel comfortable in, so I could navigate through it with other’s, to facilitate healing leading them into the light.

It’s natural for you to feel lost living in a society with so many contradictions, judgments, and false projections that can becoming our identities if we don’t heal, take our power back and live our own truth.

So now that you know a little about me let’s talk about metaphysics. Metaphysics, literally means “that which comes after the physical,” is the study of the spiritual root of physical life. In this way, metaphysics shares similar goals with other noble studies such as general spirituality, theology, philosophy, mysticism, theosophy, and ontology. This sacred undertaking follows a global tradition that goes back to time immemorial and is making a strong resurgence now.

As a metaphysician, I believe we are immortal souls, seeds of the divine who are created and sustained in love by God. This is our true nature. It is our soul that gives us our life and our consciousness. To achieve its full power and wonder, each soul must go through the process of spiritual evolution, gradually maturing into a fully developed, divine being, ascending or self actualizing into Christ Consciousness.

The process of spiritual maturation can be likened to a seed planted in the ground. All the potential for the seed to become magnificent oak tree or beautiful rose is already held within the tiny seed. All that is needed are the right elements in which to grow, if nourished and undisturbed, the seed cannot help but become that amazing tree or flower. The soul of mankind is like a seed that God plants in the garden of creation. All that is needed for the soul to grow is already contained in the core of the soul. To fulfill that potential, the soul must embark on a pilgrimage through creation where it unfolds, eventually making its way back, fully realized, to God

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Suicide (For those of you that have contemplated Suicide, thank you for holding on, when all you could do was give up, You are so strong and you mean so much to this world. Thank you for remembering that even when other’s have forgotten, I see you, and I Know and I love you Completely Never let go ~KendraDivinePurpose~

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It doesn’t have to come to suicide but I understand it often does. That’s why I do what I do, and why so many other healers like me have learned valuable tools to bring healing to the collective. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide please Contact Me, or reach out to someone without fear, knowing that at your emotions are valid and acceptable. The only fear is living one more day suffering in silence. It’s ok, to not Feel ok! When we feel empowered to embrace our emotions with full loving acceptance, even the darkest ones. This is when we allow our body to process the emotions and discharge the stuck energy to complete the trauma cycle, allowing the light to shine through on the other side.
It’s when we are shamed or punished, not allowed to not be ok, to not feel how we feel, is when we resist our own skin, when self hate consumes our minds, making us doubt our own ability to feel and behave “Normally.” We divide ourselves into acceptable and unacceptable aspects, trying on different masks we’ve learned from someone else, all to try to escape from the hate we hold within.

The mind creates different ways to cope. Either by splitting our consciousness out of our bodies, or by creating new people, new personalities that don’t have coherent access to the suppressed positive resource either, but they do, have amnesia from the experience that caused the blocks and created the pain in the first place.  The pain that you carry with you today.

It’s not about what’s broken within us, or about what’s gone wrong with us, it’s simply what has Happened to us! And I mean all of us, not just war hero’s. We’ve all experienced trauma,  tragedy, heart break,  loss, destruction, and devastation, in one way or another. It’s about accepting and owning our feelings, being lovingly present with all of them, knowing that they are ok. That you are allowed to feel any and all of your emotions, without needing to explain, or make excuses to anyone including yourself.    Just be, and allow, knowing they are all valid and worth your conscious attention.

The thing is we’ve gone about finding this acceptance for our emotional states, looking outside of ourselves for validation, before we even allow our conscious mind to fully connect to the “unacceptable” emotion to have full awareness of it.   This is when we do things and create situations that cause us to respond from a place of trauma. Manifesting our conscious reality from the dark shadows of our subconscious mind. This is when our positive resources become blocked, and instead of being mindfully aware of any given situation, able to respond at our highest and best capacity.  We instead react from survival instinct that the situation activated, triggering your body to release the stuck trauma cycle you interrupted somewhere in your past.  The thing that everyone needs to understand is that pretending our emotions don’t exist, hasn’t worked!  It’s only created more illness, and perpetual suffering.

Every negative experience is driven by these stuck suppressed emotions. It causes glitches in our systems. Ever noticed how accidents happen when your already pissed off or having a crappy day?  That’s because that negative energy is literally a magnetically charged energy field around you forcefully pulling like frequencies (negative energy) into your energy field.

Our emotions demand to be felt, no matter what your telling yourself they are still there, growing with more aches, illness, and issues that you probably believe are all unrelated.
Energy gets stuck, when it’s suppressed, It’s not allowed to flow.  But our energetic bodies don’t work when we force them to do something our mind beliefs is better. Our minds interrupt the process not allowing the body to do what it needs to do to complete the natural cycles. When you interrupt a trauma cycle from completing, you live stuck in it, until something is triggered to activate an old memory or sensory experience of like frequency to allow the trauma to complete itself.  I’ll use myself as an example. To say that I’ve experienced more trauma then one person she have experienced in a lifetime is putting it mildly. I’ve been to the bottom just before death and I fought my way back to the light. I’m at a point now where I’m thankful for my trauma because it’s allowed for me to be able to go to the depths of anyone’s pain meeting them where they are, and guide them out of the darkness. Because their darkness doesn’t scare me, it’s where I lived the majority of my life and now I get to use my experience to facilitate healing for Anyone in search of awakening. I know that if I can heal truly anyone can too.

The majority of my life experience has been traumatic, partly because I supressed the negative emotions I had about the trauma and loss I experienced in my childhood.  I’d raise my frequency high enough to no longer live in my past experiences, not knowing these were all incomplete stuck energy, so I was always completely blindsided when more trauma would seemingly come out of no where.   I’d be feeling happy, my life would be going great, and success would be within reach.  Everytime I’d throw it to the universe, I’d ask the Universe to help me keep it together long enough to grab this dream and everytime without fail the universe would manifest my reality of every trigger, every trauma, everything I hadn’t dealt with, was forcefully brought to my reality.  Because it’s exactly what I asked the universe for.  I didn’t want to be held back anymore by crazy situations that completely destroyed my potential future. I found a way to find blame in everything else other than my intentions. My intentions tucked way back in my subconscious mind.   I spent a few years banging my head into a wall with these cycles until I finally started to see these patterns. Thank God, I’m terrible at math, or I could have probably found a pattern to avoid every unwanted experience. But finally a few years ago, after litteraly losing my whole family, my house, my car, my relationship, completely alone, homeless. That’s when it hit me, my life started to make sense and started to shift.  I finally got the message loud and clear from the universe, that I was no longer allowed to pretend to be something that I’m not and put off doing what I came here to do any longer because the only option other awakening was death. Finally for the first time in my life I didn’t want to die but from the frequency I was vibrating at, near death experiences were my everyday life and I didn’t have the energy to watch out for danger around every corner any longer, so I surrendered.  I gave up fighting to survive. I managed to buy myself another car by then and the transmission goes out leaving me stuck by myself in an apartment for a month. I didn’t see that the universe was protecting me from getting killed, I thought I was being punished.  Then the universe took away my ability to sleep for nearly the whole month.  I would try to take things into my body and I’d instantly throw up.  I couldn’t eat much of anything and my body was constantly vibrating. I remember crying thinking this was how I was going to die, after all of this fighting, and now I actually made the conscious decision to live. I called a therapist I respected that I had studied under. He told me to release my ability to feel fear for just one day if a fearful thought came up, just acknowledge it but suspend my ability to feel into it. So I did for one whole day and what happened next is so crazy that I don’t even know if I can put it into words.

I had this spiritual awakening that catapulted me into another dimension. Every thought that I had ever thought was all being answered. I had this new awareness of why my life had gotten so incredibly fucked up.  I could see solution and new roads to travel. My connection to spirit was unblocked my intuition was more clear than ever and my general disposition was just calmer but with more intensity.

Since that experience I can’t really describe it but the reality I was previously living in didn’t have any power over me. I could see it clearly for what it was and that was that.  No more getting into meaningless fights over contradicting beliefs. I finally saw that everyone was entitled to there own perspective and it wasn’t my job to change it for them.

Since my awakening I’ve only experienced one extremely powerless moment that scared me but allowed me to completely trauma cycles I’d been carrying since grade school.  And since I now have learned tools necessary to heal.  It took that last experience for me to understand that I never got away from my pain I only created more of it by trying to get away from it.  I learned that in order to create the life you’ve always dreamed of,  you first have to heal the nightmares from your past, so you can clearly see the path your manifesting from.

If you can’t see what you want than your manifesting from your subconscious mind. By our subconscious mind hijacking our cognitive functioning,  driving our response systems into defense of our survival instincts that are currently being triggered by the sensory feeling your experiencing. This is when we respond and react in such a way that leads us to do, say, react, and respond in ways that we regret, that we need forgiveness for. By this time though, you’ve already abandoned yourself so don’t be surprised at what you may do to other’s. It’s time to turn the eyes inside and stop with the blame game, it’s a pointless battle that no one Will Ever Win.

So basically you’ve been living just a trigger or two away from emotionally re-experiencing the exact trauma you’ve been desperately trying to avoid, and over and over and over again you manifest the same horrible feeling even though you’ve changed all of  outside contributing factors, Except Yourself.

Maybe you became consumed by trying to control your reality, you don’t let things that remind you of pain to enter and when you have no choice but allow it to, you can’t understand why your having panic attacks. Maybe you finally got up the courage to express your feelings to the one your in love with, to be painfully rejected. So from that day forward you put up walls, responding with carefully crafted behavior to achieve the desired responses from others.  DOESN’T THAT SOUND EXHAUSTING? HAVEN’T YOU BEEN FAKING IT Until YOU MAKE IT, FOR WAY TOO LONG?

Even if your the very best actor in Hollywood it still will never exempt you from the law of attraction because you can’t force yourself to believe something that you don’t believe and you can’t think I don’t want something without your focus upon it. You can’t lie to your body by telling yourself that you love yourself, when you have all these unacceptable emotions that you hide.

News Flash..  Your body is still experiencing everything you’re mind says is fine. Your body is not against you and neither is the universe. If your mind is the only one out of the 3 that has the ability to manipulate, then why is it we continue to point the fingers outside? Your subconscious mind manifests these thought patterns in attempts to keep you safe, but now it is the only thing actually causing you pain.  It’s time to detox our minds and shift our focus to find new proof for the reality we want to create letting go of the hyper focus on what we don’t want.  Focus on what you do want and let go of the fear that your not allowed to have everything you ever dreamed of, because now you remember that you came here to experience greatness and now looking through the lenses of your truth authentic self you can finally see that you are ment to be here and everything you ever dreamed of is ment to be yours, because you can not desire something without the ability to manifest you’re desires, when you live in a universe that’s governed by Law Of Attraction.

Thank you for reading

I love you all,

~KendraDivinePurpose

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