We all have a story living inside of us, we’ve all experienced some sort of trauma that made us the person that we are today. There’s a saying that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, but I don’t believe this to be true. See life isn’t about going through struggles trying to survive. Life is for learning when we experience pain it doesn’t mean that’s some almighty God is trying to punish us. If we could stop looking at pain as something that we don’t deserve and something we need to get over, and instead see what it is trying to us to teach us, to allow us to move forward. If we choose not to feel the pain and move through it, then we will forever be stuck in it, carrying around badges of trauma weighing us down to live in perpetual cycles of Darkness. Because we chose to hold on to it, instead of learn from it, we chose to judge it as a negative experience, or an unacceptable emotion and therefore we don’t allow our bodies to complete the trauma Cycles allowing all our minds to learn what the pain is there to teach us. Every
Superhero has a traumatic story of what led to them getting their super powers. I can almost guarantee you that the people that inspire you, your mentors probably have a backstory of trials and tribulations. The only difference is some learn quicker than others not to resist the negative experience, and well others of us are not such quick learners. Me being one example.
My name is Kendra and I’m The Divine Purpose Mentor, Spiritual Teacher, and Metaphysician. So what does that mean? Well, I was born with a heighten rage of sensitivity and extra senses.
I see the vibrational frequency of everything around me. After years of looking at these senses as something that had gone wrong with me, living in the shadows in depression experiencing complex trauma throughout my life. I hit an all time low when I was diagnosed with Lupus. I had made my mind an enemy for the majority of my life, and now my body started to believe my mind as well, and my body started to attack it’s self. My immune system was attacking all of my organs, tissues, and my joints were degenerating. I was in so much physical pain everyday, it became hard to walk without my knees wrapped, my hands would lose function without pressure on my wrists, it was hard to do anything, especially with a 1 year old baby girl on my own. I’d always been a very high frequency being(meaning I process information very quickly, I’m very hyper active, and I’m incredibly intense) yet I couldn’t get out of bed. I started to fear going to sleep, after going to bed after work on a Wed and not waking up until Sunday night. I felt completely powerless to my body and didn’t trust my ability to do something as simple as wake up in the morning. I felt hopeless, all I wanted was for the pain to stop. I couldn’t even remember what an absence of pain felt like. I developed a panic disorder that I had to be medicated for in order to leave my house. One night while bartending, I had let the other bartender go home leaving one waitress on with me. Shortly after a new customer that was bantering back and forth with me keeping everyone thoroughly entertained. Suddenly he went from being a slightly inebriated smart ass, too heavily intoxicated and very aggressive. I started to feel trapped and my vision was going in and out I wasn’t allowed to leave the bar without the waitress watching my bar and she was no where in sight. Without the resources to calm down my anxiety, I started to get so dizzy that I was going to hit the ground. As soon as I saw the waitress I yelled going outside watch the bar, and ran into the kitchen gasping for air. As I pushed open the back door it felt as if I feel Into a Black hole. I woke up to lights flashing in my eye’s by paramedics trying to revive me. I was so confused on how I lost control. I had dealt with drunk jerks my whole life, and never had a panic attack from one giving me shit. Drunk guys giving you shit is pretty much a given as a bartender and I had learned to see them like I saw my toddlers when I was a preschool teacher. I never took there belligerence to heart. My therapist recommended I always keep Xanax on me for emergencies. Every time I felt the slightest discomfort I’d pop one in fear of a panic attack ever creeping on me again. I tried to regain self control with dependence on anxiety meds that the doctor’s said I’d have to be on for the rest of my life with the amount of trauma I experienced in my short life and the increasing severity of the panic disorder. Suddenly my entire life was fear. I feared going to the grocery store alone, I watched as every aspect of my life began to freeze. I desperately wanted my life back, I trusted myself my whole life and no matter what I went through I always made it out with a clearer perspective then most. I thought oh my god it finally caught up to me and I get to pay for all the abuse I already paid for. As I contemplated this I scanned my entire life. What the hell was I a good girl my whole life for. I’d never felt to bad about being physically beaten nearly everyday growing up, because I thought it was normal. Their was always an apologize afterwards and explanation how it wasn’t my fault that people hurt them and they couldn’t take it out on the people that hurt them so we take it out on the one’s we love the most. I thought ok I can do that for you, and I was a good little punching bag for 16 years of my life. Now she has no recollection of any abuse and has created a story in her mind that I was the worst child a mother could have. So bad she absolutely never consider having another child. She has said, “she wouldn’t even like me if I wasn’t her daughter.”
I found myself in the hospital with hypoplastic kidney syndrome, my body was just done fighting and was shutting down. I realized the severity of my health, when the doctor took my mom outside the room to give her information on my condition, with my mother’s background in trauma medicine, it was very rare to see my mother get upset over medical ailments. The doctor spoke a few words and instantly my mother was belligerently crying. To see her like that, was a complete shock to me. I’d never seen her show genuine care for my life. I knew, the doctor said I was dying. I’d finally achieved something really being wrong with me, and now if I didn’t change my mind I was going to die, and something in me switched. I thought no I don’t want to die I just wanted her to love me, I see now that she does.
I went inside of my body and started talking to my kidneys, and then one by one all of my other organs, as weird as that sounds. Intuitively this is what I knew to do. While talking to my body I realized my illness was a secondary gain I’d manifested to receive love and validation from my mother. All I really wanted was to be taken care of by her and shown love not be sick or die. Once I saw her cry at the potential of losing me, I knew that she actually loved me and I no longer needed to be ill to know if she loved. My missing experience/ need was met and I felt released.
I worked on my organs, and then my joints and my skin, allowing myself to release all the stress and tension in my body and within minutes I felt healed. I asked to be taken off the IV’s and monitor’s, ready to go home. The nurses thought I’d lost my mind, and the doctor insisted to run tests before I was allowed to go home. I agreed and told assured them that I had just healed myself and my kidneys would be completely healthy. Sure enough a couple hours later the tests came back with a clean bill of health without even a trace of the trauma in or around my kidneys. The doctor was beside himself and disappeared quickly after telling me the good news. The nurses with very confused looks and apprehension got me checked out and allowed me to go home.
From that moment on, I started to see the world from a new perspective, I started to see how what had been perceived as being a disability, could actually used as an abilities that I could give to the world that is suffering. Finally all of the trauma, abuse, illness, loss and suffering I’d experienced in my life had a purpose. It was the experienced I needed in order to understand fully what it feels like to suffer. It’s the darkness I needed to feel comfortable in, so I could navigate through it with other’s, to facilitate healing leading them into the light.
It’s natural for you to feel lost living in a society with so many contradictions, judgments, and false projections that can becoming our identities if we don’t heal, take our power back and live our own truth.
So now that you know a little about me let’s talk about metaphysics. Metaphysics, literally means “that which comes after the physical,” is the study of the spiritual root of physical life. In this way, metaphysics shares similar goals with other noble studies such as general spirituality, theology, philosophy, mysticism, theosophy, and ontology. This sacred undertaking follows a global tradition that goes back to time immemorial and is making a strong resurgence now.
As a metaphysician, I believe we are immortal souls, seeds of the divine who are created and sustained in love by God. This is our true nature. It is our soul that gives us our life and our consciousness. To achieve its full power and wonder, each soul must go through the process of spiritual evolution, gradually maturing into a fully developed, divine being, ascending or self actualizing into Christ Consciousness.
The process of spiritual maturation can be likened to a seed planted in the ground. All the potential for the seed to become magnificent oak tree or beautiful rose is already held within the tiny seed. All that is needed are the right elements in which to grow, if nourished and undisturbed, the seed cannot help but become that amazing tree or flower. The soul of mankind is like a seed that God plants in the garden of creation. All that is needed for the soul to grow is already contained in the core of the soul. To fulfill that potential, the soul must embark on a pilgrimage through creation where it unfolds, eventually making its way back, fully realized, to God